The fantasy of the ‘fresh start’

Many adults with ADHD carry around a fantasy, and it looks like this:

‘If I could just finish ….

• Clearing my inbox.

• Tidying my house.

• Dealing with my mail.

• Getting on top of my coursework.

• Sorting out my finances.

• Deciding how to set calm but firm boundaries with my children.

• Etc.

… then tomorrow could be the start of my new life.’

We feel that if we could get all the challenging stuff out of the way then tomorrow we will would be organized, focused, productive, calm and in control.

HOWEVER…

The problem is that there is no magical day when everything is done and life stops throwing boring, disappointing, repetitive, and / or stressful tasks and responsibilities at us, but many of us continue chasing that feeling.

We tell ourselves that we will start exercising once we have caught up on our work; we’ll start writing that book once we’ve finished tidying the house; we’ll build new habits once everything else is under control.

But for most people, and especially for those with ADHD, that day never comes. There is always another email, another deadline, another obligation, another thing that needs attention.

And while we are waiting for the perfect moment to begin, we stay stuck exactly where we are.

‘all or nothing’ thinking keeps us stuck

One of the most common patterns I see in my clients is ‘all or nothing’ thinking. We assume that if we cannot do something ‘properly’, there is no point doing it at all:

• If we cannot exercise for an hour, we skip it.

• If we cannot clean the whole house, we do nothing.

• If we cannot finish the entire project, we avoid starting.

The truth is that this mindset produces the exact opposite of what we want! The pursuit of perfect progress leaves us making no progress at all.

Small actions can feel insignificant in the moment, but they are often the only actions that actually happen. And a small step today will always beat the perfect plan that starts tomorrow.

People who create lasting change are not the people who make the biggest plans, but the people who stop waiting for the perfect day; who send one the email instead of clearing the inbox, take a ten-minute walk instead of an hour’s work out, or write one paragraph instead of planning the entire book.

They understand something that many of us forget, which is that small steps create big shifts because they create momentum.

And that momentum is what will change your life.